Wickedly Long, Painfully Flat- 'Wicked'

I don’t like musicals. The random bursting into song feels so unnatural it immediately pulls me out of any story they’ve managed to tell so far. The style of most musical theatre songs or show tunes doesn’t align with my general music taste like honestly, where are Paolo Nutini, Radiohead and Clairo?? The run times are ridiculous, act after act and all riddled with pacing issues. I cannot comprehend how I sit through a musical while the person next to me is somehow having a good time. 

Yet, unlike some of my other film opinions (which you may incorrectly disagree with), I don’t think my dislike for musicals is absolute. I have enjoyed some! The majority being the least musical-theatre-esque ones possible. Take John Carney’s Sing Street, for example, which naturally weaves decently written, catchy new wave indie rock songs into the plot. La La Land took a forced second watch to appreciate, but once I was forced to watch more than just the first act of flash mobs, show tunes and twirling galore, the rest of the film was perfect. Thank you, Anna, for forcing me to stick this one out! And, of course, as reviewed earlier this year, Inside Llewyn Davis, with its Bob Dylan-esque folk tunes and a chronically depressed protagonist—right up my alley. All three of these I thoroughly enjoyed. When musical films start creeping into traditional musical theatre territory, things get contentious for me. Only one recommendation has ever survived an Evie viewing: Singin’ in the Rain, potentially the most critically acclaimed musical film of all time. So, historically, my bar has been set pretty high.

 

All this to say: last week, I sat through 160 minutes of Wicked.

Why? 

Honestly, that’s a question I’ve asked myself many, many times since. 

 

The chances of me enjoying this film were so astronomically low, yet I couldn’t help but be curious—especially considering how saturated my Twitter feed has been with Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo interviews looking like they’re a couple at an IVF consultation, weeping and holding index fingers. Post-viewing, instead of immediately throwing my thoughts onto a Word doc and sharing them with my thousands of fans (don’t fact-check me on this), I acknowledged my pre-existing views on musical films. Knowing I was a hard critic to please, I gave the film the benefit of the doubt and let it sit before this review. I even listened to Defying Gravity on Spotify and held space for the lyrics, for Christ’s sake. Yet, my opinions have not changed for the better. 

 

I will start by stating my positive views of the film. It was funny! Which I really didn’t expect, however, Ariana Grande’s Glinda delivered cheeky, self-absorbed one-liners perfectly. There was a lot of talk of the performances in Wicked standing out however, since viewing, I think there should be more emphasis specifically on Grande’s ability to toss out playful and self-aware quips. Which was the entire reason Act One, showing Glinda and Elphaba’s friendship develop, worked for me. The whole popular song sequence, I didn’t hate it! And that is entirely due to Ariana Grande’s performance. 

 

I also must acknowledge although it doesn’t change my opinion of the film, the set design and overall cinematic scale were absolutely massive. The production designers had a very tall order, bringing the magical world of Oz to life however, you have to credit the film-makers for this task. Balancing the fantastical elements with the large proportion of real-world locations grounded some of this magic with more reality. I thoroughly enjoyed Architectural Digest’s YouTube interview with production designer Nathan Crowley, who explained how they planted 9 million real-life tulips in Norfolk to create Munchkinland (I love AD and tulips, so this thumbnail immediately had me clicking). The mix of CGI and real-life set design brought a tangible authenticity to some of the overwise, over-the-top world. 

 

Now, onto my main takeaways. 

 

The entire film felt completely emotionally flat. The author, Gregory Maguire, attempted to explore the raw journey of identity and self-love in the face of prejudice through a story about a woman with powers who also happens to be just a tad bit green. I have seen completely absurd and wacky films that use protagonists such as giant, barely literate robots that have completely emotionally destroyed me. It really doesn’t take a lot for me to relate or sympathise through film. However, during parts of Wicked, I wouldn’t have been surprised if they had hired audience wranglers holding up placards for us all to see that said, “CRY NOW !”. Merrily counting down the minutes of my viewing, I sat there completely unmoved and realised I had missed the memo about the apparently incredibly moving story of Elphaba’s struggle. Cynthia Erivo did a wonderful performance; I don’t fully criticise her for this failure, however, realising she is putting in what some are calling a performance of a lifetime for what made me feel absolutely nothing clearly means something was amiss. 

 

I also don’t know if this criticism is for musical theatre films in general or limited specifically to its application in Wicked, but by the end, my main feeling was annoyance. During Wicked, there would be some dialogue and storytelling between characters, and then, as musicals do, they would burst into song, after so many verses or even a chorus, we would immediately be taken back into several scenes of dialogue and continuation of the story, only for the music to creep back in and the song begins again. This happened again and again and again. As the ensemble cast of singers would seep the music back into the film, I would slowly realise oh no, this is the same song I heard long enough ago I assumed, surely, we are moving on now. This happened so repeatedly, songs that tidy 5–10-minute tracks on the album were exponentially quadrupled into sprawling marathons that had me thinking of that Bristolian woman saying “not another one” when they started with another go of a verse or chorus of the same flipping song. This is the entire reason the film felt completely drawn out to me, and no wonder they think it’s best to split the musical into two parts if they never just perform a song in its entirety. I understand I am not a fan of musicals, and this was my first time seeing or even consuming the story of Wicked; however, I think it is a perfectly valid criticism if the re-telling of the story only seems to land with the pre-existing devoted fans and leaves new viewers like me definitely not converted and definitely bored. 

 

It wouldn’t be silly to think, surely, I regret spending £7 of my hard-earned student loan and 3 hours of my precious Monday evening to see Wicked, but the crazy thing is I actually don’t. If anyone asks if I want to see part two when it eventually comes out, I probably will say yes. However, I know, and by the end of this rambling review, I hope you know, that has nothing at all to do with the quality of the film. Sometimes I like watching films that end up being dogshite, simply so I can complain about how I thought they were dogshite- that’s just the type of person I am. 

 

So, on that merry note, if you fancy something to complain about over upcoming family gatherings this festive season, go see Wicked.  

Evie 10 December 2024